Honey, I'm Home!
by krazi4TwiSaga
Summary: Sequel to "Half on a Baby" – Watch as best friends Edward and Bella plan a wedding and welcome their first child into the world. Life's full of all kinds of hiccups and bumps in the road, will they survive them all? Rated M for the usual E&B kraziness! Full summary inside!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone; it's that time again... **

**February Drabble Wars!**

**Here are the ladies that are participating this month... please do check out the other awesome writer's stories!**

* * *

***ADADancer***

Story Title: Once Upon Another Escape (Sequel to Swan Escape)

Rated: M

Fandom and Pairing: Twilight- Edward and Bella

Summary: Work in Progress

* * *

***Loopylou992***

Story Title: Heavy In Your Arms

Rated: M

Fandom and Pairing: Twilight- Bella & Edward

Summary: Edward leaves Bella in the woods after breaking her heart.  
But what happens to him, does he really leave? Unexpected visitors change things for him drastically.

* * *

***whitewolflegend***

Story Title: Matters of Heart

Rated: M

Fandom and Pairing: Sherlock Holmes (movie) Holmes/Watson

Summary: silence leads to pain but denial leads to so much worse. When you see the one you love dying inside right before your eyes, what will you do? Continue to keep your secrets or let them know they are not alone?

* * *

**"Social Studies"  
Lolo84**

**Summary: **It was a silly social experiment for her Psych class . . . Bella never thought it would amount to more. "Hey—what numbers did you get assigned?" She looked down at her paper. "Umm . . . five and nine." Leaning over, her and her best friend examined what that meant. "Oh, well sit down with a total stranger and ask someone for a hug. That shouldn't be too bad, right?"

* * *

***krazi4twisaga** *

Story Title: Honey, I'm Home!

Rated: M/NC-17

Fandom and Pairing: Twilight- Edward and Bella

Summary: Sequel to "Half on a Baby" - Follow best friends Edward and Bella as they plan a wedding and welcome their first child into the world. Life's full of all kinds of hiccups and bumps in the road, will they survive them all? Let's follow Edward as he goes from being a resident to a first year fellow, and Bella as she tackles stay-home motherhood, and her first shot at writing her own novel.

* * *

**AN: Hello! This will serve as my one and only author's note! Thank you to my awesome team of ladies who encourage me, kick my a$$ when I need it, and just all around have my back.**

**jess2002, princess07890, famaggloio, and my beautiful pre-reader, TeamAllTwilight you ladies are the best!**

**And a big thank you and a round of applause goes to Ana Fluttersby for my kick a$$ banner!**

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NUTHIN!**

* * *

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter One**

**_E_**

"Babe, don't cry," I soothed, rubbing my beautiful and very fucking emotional fiancée's back. That's right; my _baby momma_ and I are getting hitched in a few weeks. "We can just postpone the wedding until _after _the babies are born." Or not!

Yeah, _babies, plural_... ain't that some fucking shit?!

Apparently, I don't do things halfway and neither does my goddamn super sperm. But, I'll explain all that later, right now, I have to suck up to my girl for my lack of verbal filter.

Em tried to warn my stupid ass about this shit, but it seems like I didn't listen too well.

I'm always saying something stupid.

_And this time seemed to be the stupidest of all!_

* * *

**Hope you guys are on board, because this is going to be one hell of a krazi ride! Leave me some love!**

**Krazi**

**xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**Half on a Baby**

**Chapter Two**

**_E_**

_Jesus,_ what did I say that for? My dumb ass suggestion just brought on a fresh round of tears! "You don't w-w-want to m-m-m-arry me, Edward," Bella hiccupped, looking completely fucking heartbroken. "It's because I'm a beached whale, isn't it?" God, seeing her cry made me feel Iike my fucking guts were being ripped out, especially when I was the reason for her tears.

"No, Iz, of course not," I said, rubbing her back and burying my face in her hair.

"Of _course_ not," she hissed, pulling back and pinning me with a glare. "If you _think_ you're going to skip out on buying the cow," jabbing me in the chest with her index finger, "and _still_ get the milk for free, you've got another damn thing coming, Buddy!" Robin, the sonogram tech and my ex-friend, nearly pissed her pants, she was laughing so hard.

"_Babe_," I whined, flipping Robin off behind Bella's back. "You know that you're the most beautiful woman alive _and_ you're carrying our babies, nothing means more to me."

_See, I'm not a complete idiot!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Three**

**_E_**

Glaring at her over Bella's head, I childishly stuck out my tongue at Robin. You know, just to make myself feel better. Returning my focus to Iz, "Hey," I cooed, tipping her head back so that she was looking me in the eye. "First of all, you, my beautiful fiancée have never looked sexier. And two," trailing my eyes down to the lusciousness of her very ample fucking breasts, "do I _need_ to remind of what we were doing just before we left the house this morning?"

"Edward," she blushed, burying her crimson cheeks in the crook of my neck. I loved the feel of her heated skin against mine.

My girl was now putty in my very capable hands.

Giving Robin a cocky smirk, I continued making my girl feel better. "Iz," I said in a serious tone. "I want nothing more than to call you my wife; if it was up to me, we'd go to the justice of the peace today. But you know that the _moms_ and Ali would kill us both... _babies or not_!"

"Aww... Baby," Bella sang softly. "Youare so sweet." And the next thing I know, we're making out like a couple of horny teenagers in the backseat of an old Buick.

Hah... take that _Rob-bin_!

And_ that,_ my friends, is how you fucking suck up to your pregnant best friend/girlfriend/fiancée/baby mama!


	4. Chapter 4

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Four**

**_E_**

"Mmm… Edward," Bella moaned into my mouth. "I need you, Baby. I can't wait until we get home, Edward," she whimpered quietly in my ear. "I need you to fuck me... _now_!" Swallowing thickly, I looked up to see that we were alone.

_Internally, I fist-pumped and made a mental note to get Robin a gift card to that fancy spa the girls love to go to._

I took a moment to make sure that the door was locked before attacking my girl's mouth again. Running my tongue along her bottom lip, I slipped inside when she opened to me. I took my time exploring every nook and cranny of her delicious mouth. Our tongues danced an erotic dance, synced to perfection.

My girl tasted like a mixture of the saltiness of Cheetos and the sweetness of Starburst fruit chews; her cravings changed by the fucking hour. "Fuck, Baby," I panted between kisses. "You taste amazing, but we've got hurry." I'd learned to be a fucking multitasker since Bella had become pregnant and could now whip my dick out in mere seconds.

_Hey, don't fucking judge me, I'm doing a great service here!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Five**

**_E_**

Thankfully, she was already naked from the waist down from her exam, so that was one less thing I had to worry about. Using my medical expertise, I situated her butt toward the end of the examination table, popped her feet in the stir-ups, and slid home.

"_Fuckkkk..._" we moaned in unison.

Bella's pussy sucked me in like a hungry vortex, and I had no fucking complaints. The further along Bella got in her pregnancy, the better her pussy felt. I could literally live in that bitch twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Gritting my teeth, I took a moment to compose myself. One false move and I was going to bust a nut before my girl even hit her peak.

"Edward," Bella whined, gyrating her hips. "Stop pissing around and fuck me already!"

_Yes Ma'am!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Six**

**_E_**

Stepping up on the little pull-out step in front of the table, I leaned in and kissed my girl's swollen lips. "Then hold on, Baby, this is going to be a bumpy fucking ride."

Pulling back, I slammed into her. Over and over again, I pumped in and out of Bella's tight heat. Aside from the crackle of the annoying white paper beneath us, the slapping of skin was all that could be heard throughout the room and it was music to my ears.

Bella's fingernails dug into my forearms painfully as she held on with a death-grip. "Yes... yes... yes... fuck yes..." Bella cried when I started to add a little swivel to my hips.

Unable to take my eyes off of her tits bouncing in my face, I said, "Take out your tits so I can suck them, Baby." Biting her bottom lip, Bella reached up and pulled the demi-cups of her bra down to give me access. Bella's rack was amazing. Pregnancy _definitely_ suited her. My girl's tits were sensitive, so I knew to handle them with care. Using just my lips and tongue, I lightly suckled and nipped, giving each one equal amounts of attention.

That, along with my hitting her g-spot each time I pushed into her, my girl was getting a bit too loud. I had to hurry the fuck up before we got tossed out on our asses, and Dr. Cheney reported me to the hospital board for defiling her examination room.

Reaching between our joined bodies, I groaned feeling the slickness of Bella's arousal on my pelvis and cock. Once my fingers started showing some attention to her little pleasure nub, my girl went wild. Within minutes, I was swallowing her screams, while she drank in my groans.

_Glad I'm still relatively young; Bella's was going to be the death of me!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Seven**

**_E_**

I saw stars as I shot my load deep inside my girl's greedy little pussy. Those Kegel exercises that Iz had been doing were fucking awesome; it literally felt like my dick was being sucked inside a pulsing black hole.

Our bodies shook and trembled with tiny aftershocks of our releases, and it took every fucking ounce of energy I had left not to just collapse on top of Bella and pass the fuck out. Dropping my head into the crook of her neck, I licked and nipped softly at her skin. She tasted of sweat and vanilla. I took a moment to breathe Bella in while she lightly scratched my back, causing me to purr.

We were lost in our own little bubble post coital, until it was popped the nurse who needed to prepare for the next patient popped it. "Uh... Dr. Cullen," the young lady whispered loudly. "Is everything okay? We need to prepare the room for the next patient."

Grinning down at my beautiful, freshly fucked fiancée, I answered confidently, "Everything's fucking perfect." Kissing her lips one last time, I grinned, "Let's get out of here and go home, Baby."

After I cleaned both Bella and myself up a bit, we took the walk of shame.

Bella, red-faced, with her chin tucked tightly to her chest, and me, chest all puffed out, looking as proud as a fucking peacock. We both radiated that freshly fucked look.

_Cullen, you are the fucking man!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Eight**

**_E_**

"Fucking Sunday dinner," I grumbled, drumming my fingers against the steering wheel. "Why do we have to drive to fucking Forks? Why can't our fucking parents come to us for a change?" I asked to no one in particular.

My fucking dickhead of a brother and my ex-best friend refused to wait when Bella asked to stop for the third time, and now, I was sitting outside of a fucking Shell gas station _again_. For what seemed like the millionth time today, Bella had to pee and was having another one of her fucking cravings. Who knows what the hell she will come out with this time?

It was only supposed to be a three and a half hour drive!

So why have we been on the fucking road for four?

On the drive home, I'm getting her a box of Twinkies, two cans of salt and vinegar Pringles, a jar of peanut butter, two boxes of Capri Suns, fruit punch of course, and a fucking family-sized bag of Hershey's Kisses.

Before leaving the Swan's, I'll swipe a roll of tissue, a large funnel from the kitchen, and couple of gallon jugs from the recycling for her to piss in.

_With all that, we should make back to Seattle in no time._


	9. Chapter 9

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Nine**

**_E_**

Having learned my lesson, I put on my game face when I saw Bella come waddling out of the store. She was so fucking beautiful, it made my chest hurt. Now that we knew she was having twins, her rapid weight gain was easily explained away.

Two weeks, that's how long we'd known that we were having twins. Not just twins, but twin girls. I was going to have two fucking little girls to be responsible for. Shoot me fucking now! Why couldn't it have been a girl and a boy, so my little man could help me look after our girls?

As it stands now, I was going to have to get Charlie to teach me how to shoot, because if my girls looked anything like their mother, which I was damn sure they would, I was going to need him to teach me a lot more than just shooting. He was going to have to show me how to bury the bodies so that they never turned up again. Also, I was going to need my soon-to-be father-in-law to move to Seattle so he could help me watch over my family.

Charlie could take shifts, I'm sure Em would welcome the extra help with little Emma bear; she was a fucking little China doll.

_That little girl was pure sugary perfection. _


	10. Chapter 10

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Ten**

**_E_**

"Babe, I brought you a Barq's red cream and a bag of those sour cream and cheddar Ruffles that you like so much." The grin on her face was priceless, negating every complaint I've had since we left the condo this morning.

"God, Babe," I awed, leaning over the console to suck her bottom lip into my mouth. After kissing her good and proper, until her toes curled and my dick throbbed painfully in my pants, I asked, "Have I told you how much I love you today?" With my hand rubbing slow circles on her ever-growing baby bump, my tongue slid in tandem with hers.

"Mmmhmm..." she moaned against my lips. "And showed me too," she grinned, blushing a deep crimson.

Throwing the car in reverse, I made a beeline for the highway. I had to get moving before I did something crazy like fuck my sexy as hell fiancée in front of the mini-mart. Maybe we could sneak up to Iz's old bedroom for a little fun when we get to Forks.

My dick twitched at the prospect of making my teenage fantasy a reality.

_Remember kids; it's never too late to make your dreams come true!_


	11. Chapter 11

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Eleven **

**_E_**

"Ungh... ungh... yes, right there, Edward," Bella panted loudly. "So good... harder... faster... ungh..."

Gah, she was fucking killing me! We had managed to slip away under the guise of Iz needing to wash up before lunch. In her defense, she did spill pickle juice on her blouse in the car. Yeah, that fucking shit was stinking up the whole car.

No sooner than she closed her bedroom door was she bending over her childhood desk and begging me to fuck her. And what Isabella wants, Isabella gets. My girl is fucking scary when she's horny, but hey, you don't hear me complaining. If this is what pregnancy did to her, I was going to keep my girl knocked up.

"Fuck, Baby," I grunted as I slammed into her from behind. "You've got to be quiet or Charlie's going to shoot me for defiling you in his house." Bella chuckled at my words, causing her pussy to tighten around my cock. "Holy shit, Babe, do that again," I begged like the pussy-whipped fool I am.

A few more tricks from her talented pussy, and Bella and I were hissing out our releases. I bit down on the tender flesh of her shoulder to keep from screaming, as Bella moaned and milked my cock with her pussy. "Jesus, Baby," Bella panted in between breaths, "that felt so fucking good."

Turning her head to the side, Iz captured my lips in a slow, wet, sensual kiss. Taking our time we explored each other's mouths. Iz's mouth was the perfect mixture of sweet, salty, and just _her_. Sucking on her top lip, I moaned. With my forehead resting against hers, I sighed. "Jesus Christ, I love you, Isabella Marie Swan."

"Ditto, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen."

After a few more minutes of post coitus bliss, I slid my flaccid cock from her tight little body. "Ahh..." I let out a breathy moan. The feeling I get from being inside her would never get old.

"Cullen, get your ass down here... now, boy!"

_Oh shit, the chief's home!_


	12. Chapter 12

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Twelve**

**_E_**

By the grace of God, I still had my balls intact; it turns out that Charlie was only yelling at me for parking in his spot. Of course, knowing that did nothing for my damn racing heart.

The minute I heard Chief Charles Swan's deep gruff voice floating up the stairs, my cock and balls jumped ship and took up residence somewhere in the vicinity of my vocal cords.

Once I talked my anatomy down off the ledge, and Bella emerged from her room, looking fresh as a fucking flower, we sat down to have dinner. Unfortunately, I had the displeasure of sitting next to my jackass of a brother. "Yo, Eddie," Em stage whispered around a mouthful of Renee's awesome mashed potatoes, "I thought you and Bumble Bee went upstairs to wash up? You reek, dude."

"What the hell?" I choked out.

Fucker waited until I'd taken a large gulp of my drink to say something dumb. "Oh my God," Iz panicked, slapping me in the back. "Are you okay? Emmett, if you don't want me to tell my sister what happened last week, I suggest you shut the hell up!"

"What the fuck, B?" Em whined, taking the bait.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen," Mom and Rose growled at the same time.

"Language, son, or I'll drag you to the bathroom by your ear and wash your mouth out with soap!"

"What did you do?" Rose asked, narrowing her eyes at her goofy husband.

"I-I-I…" Emmett stuttered, turning beet red under the scrutiny of the dinner table.

Now, everyone, Rose and our parents included, knew that Em probably hadn't done anything, but as a child he was always getting into shit, so he'd spend the next half hour or so going over every minute detail of his week, wracking his brain for the answer. That's pretty much how Em spent the first one or two hours at home after school when we were growing up. If, by the time we sat down for dinner, and no one from the school had called, he was pretty much off the hook for the day.

_Yeah, those were the days!_


	13. Chapter 13

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**_E_**

In the meantime, as Emmett angrily shoveled food into his big mouth, the rest of us were able to enjoy our dinner. Luckily, by the time he realizes it's all a ruse; it'll be time to announce the news about the twin girls we were having. The spotlight will be on me and Iz in a positive way and all will be right in the world again.

"So, Bella..." Alice pressed, bouncing in her seat. "You promised to tell us about the baby today. I'm dying over here; give a sista something to hold on to."

"Yeah, B," Rose seconded, while placing a spoon of baby mush to Emma's eager lips.

"Nyum...nyum... nyum..." she moaned, smacking her lips and kicking her fat little legs in appreciation.

This time, my heart raced, but in a good way. Soon, that was going to be me and Iz. I couldn't wait to sit and feed my girls along with their beautiful mother. Looking over, I see Iz eyeballing me; I could feel the excitement radiating off of her.

Grinning like a love sick fool, I leaned in and kissed her chastely on the lips. "You want to tell them, Babe?"

Shaking her head, I watched a tear roll from her eye. "You say it." Used to her erratic emotions, I took my thumb and swiped the next tear before it could leave her eye. The men groaned and the women sighed collectively as my forehead rested against Bella's. Once again, we were surrounded by our own little bubble.

"Damn it, boy," Charlie grumbled, "are you going to tell us today? You've already managed to defile and knock up my baby girl, without making a damn honest woman out of her." And just like that, the fucking bubble popped, and all hell broke loose.


	14. Chapter 14

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**_E_**

At her father's words, Bella burst into tears and kind of waddle-ran to the downstairs bathroom and barricaded herself in, along with Mom, Alice, and Rosalie. Jasper looked at me apologetically, shook his head, and said, "Nice going, Dad. Why can't you just be happy for Edward and Bells?" Giving my shoulder a squeeze, Jasper mumbled, "Sorry, man" before pushing back and leaving the table.

"Whoa, Chief C," Em started while unbuckling Emma from her highchair. "Usually_ I_ agree with you, big guy, but this time, you're out of line. We've all had months to get used to the idea of Edward and Bumble Bee becoming parents, so there's no reason for you to still be giving my little brother shit for it."

Looking down at his little girl squirming in his arms, Emmett said something that would stay with me for the rest of my life. "As much as I hate the fact that my little girl will one day grow up and leave me for another man, I can only hope that he loves her even half as much as Edward loves Bella."

Kissing Emma's thick blonde curls, Emmett returned his attention to Charlie. "Chief, you know as well as I do that Eddie boy would give his life for your daughter; they've practically been joined at the hip since we moved to this little Podunk town many moons ago. You've said it yourself many times, Edward and Bella belong together. Stop focusing on what they did wrong, and start rejoicing in what they've done right. You at least owe your unborn grandchild that." As if knowing the moment needed to be lightened, Emma chose that moment to grunt and let out a loud fart.

_Fuck, that shit smelled awful!_

How could something so little and cute smell so goddamn bad?

Letting out a booming laugh, Em lifted Emma's hand and gave her a little baby high-five. "That's right, Baby Girl, call bullshit on your grandpa." With that, he exited the room to change his stinky ass daughter.


	15. Chapter 15

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**_E_**

Shaking his head at his oldest son's antics, Carlisle, who, up until now, hadn't uttered so much as one word, pushed his chair back from the table. Walking over to where I was seated and gaping like a fish, he placed a hand on my shoulder, and gave it a squeeze. "Don't be too hard on him, son, you know he loves you as if you were his own; it just not easy to let your children go, especially your little girls." Carlisle gave us both a warning look, and turned to leave the room. "You boys play nice," he said just before disappearing in the same direction as the others.

_Fuck... what the hell do I do now?_

Before I could come up with anything, the wrath of Renee Swan rained down on the chief. "Charles Swan, Bella is _not_ a little girl anymore! How she chooses to live her life is none of our business, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner your nights of sleeping in the recliner will be over." Getting up from the table, she came around and kissed me on the cheek, and whispered in my ear. "He's just having a hard time; of all the kids, Bella's always needed him the most. She's always been daddy's little girl, and he's just having a hard time letting go." Cupping my cheek, she pinned me with one of her famous mother glares, "Neither one of you are to leave this table until you straighten this shit out. And I suggest you not let it take all goddamn day!"

_Whoa… Momma Nee's using swear words; shit just got real._


	16. Chapter 16

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Sixteen**

**_E_**

In the wake of Renee's departure, a quiet so loud fell over the room that you could practically hear a rat pissing on cotton.

Charlie sat staring out of the window, while I sat staring at Charlie.

When I could no longer stand the uncomfortable awkwardness of it all, I spoke. "Please, tell me how I can fix this, Chief." My voice sounded so defeated that I almost didn't recognize it. "You're like a father to me, and it kills me to know that I've fucked up in your eyes. Yeah, we may have done things a little out of order, but I _swear_ to you, I'm not running. I'm doing everything in my power to make it things right." Despite me pouring out my heart to him, Charlie remained stoic and silent.

Angered, my voice held an edge when I continued speaking. "What the fuck, Chief? You didn't give Emmett and Rosalie this much grief when Rose got pregnant with Emma almost six months before their wedding, so why are you being so hard on Iz and me?" Feeling caged in like a wild animal, I began to pace around the room and tug at my hair. Throwing my hands up in frustration, I said, "Hell, I could give less than two fucks about how you treat me, but Iz doesn't deserve your shit! She was fucking elated to come here and tell you that we were having twins, twin girls to be exact, but you've managed to fuck that up for her, for both of us."

I was at my wits' end with Charlie, and he was just sitting there like a statue, without moving a muscle.

_This was going to be harder than I fucking thought!_


	17. Chapter 17

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**_E_**

Looking back at my pseudo father, what I saw was a broken man. This was not the Chief Swan I was used to; there had to be more to his anger than he was letting on. Flopping down in the chair next to him, I let out a gust of air. "I don't know what to say anymore, Chief, this only going to drive a wedge between you and Bella. Those are _my _babies she's carrying, and I'm _not_ going anywhere; please don't make her have to choose me over you."

"Twins?" Charlie croaked out. "My baby girl is having twins? Twin girls? Looks like the fertility gods have punished you enough boy. I'm sorry for giving you kids shit; it's just that, out of all three of my children, Bells has always been the one who needed me." Smoothing his thick pornstache, Charlie sat back in his seat. "Of course, ever since _you_ showed up, she's only needed me when the two of you had some sort of disagreement. And that hasn't been often. Took you long enough to get there boy, but I'm proud of you. You and Bells were made for each other, and I assure you that anything I had planned for you went out the window when I found out I was getting not one but_ two_ new granddaughters. Good luck with that, Son." And just like that, the storm was over.

_At least for now anyway..._


	18. Chapter 18

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Eighteen**

**_E_**

With the worst behind us, I went in search of my girl.

I found her in the kitchen, eating out of a pint of Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake. "Hey."

"Hi..." she said with tears in her eyes. "How's dad?"

Walking up, I took the stool next to her and sat down. Automatically, she lifted a spoonful of ice cream to my lips. Once the sweet goodness had melted on my tongue, I responded. "He's good, just missing his baby girl." Kissing her on the lips, I asked, "Did you tell everyone the news?"

"No," she regarded me with watery eyes, "I was waiting for you." A beautiful crimson color flooded her cheeks as she buried her face in the crook of my neck.

Losing her patience, Alice spoke for the group. "Yeah, Edward, we've been waiting on you to tell us what Bella's having. So why don't you put us out of our misery already!" I would have been annoyed with my sister if that damn pout she was wearing wasn't so comical.

Holding my hands up in surrender, I conceded. "Alright, alright, Ali," I chuckled. "I'll put you and everyone else out of their misery. Iz and I are having a girl... two girls to be exact."

_Wait for it…_

_Five... four... three... two... and..._


	19. Chapter 19

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Nineteen**

**_E_**

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" Alice shrieked, jumping around the kitchen. "Twins! You guys are having twins?!" Realization dawned on her, and she went off on a wild tangent. "I mean, in my gut, I _knew_ it was a girl, that's why I've already been shopping for her. But, now, with two little girls, I'm going to have to call the boutique and see if they can get me a duplicate of everything I've ordered." Pacing and biting her nails, Alice appeared to be in deep thought.

Giggling at her best friend's antics, Bella said, "Calm down, Alice, you still have almost three months before they get here."

"Jasper!" Alice belted out of nowhere. "Let's go, I've got to get back to Seattle!" Panicked, she began pulling everyone in for a hug and kiss goodbye.

"Dear Lord, Alice, what is it?" Mom asked, taken aback by her sudden departure.

"No time, Mom, I've got a wedding to plan, _and _get ready for the twins. Christ," she muttered on her way out the front door. "You people could at least give me time to plan; perfection doesn't happen overnight, you know." Having already reached the car, Alice turned around, glaring, "Jasper Charles Swan, let's go!" And, since he was just as pussy-whipped as the rest of us, Jasper sprinted out of the house with barely a kiss to our mothers' cheeks.

I stood out on the porch with my arm around Bella as we watched them go. "Babe," grinning, Bella stood on her tiptoes to whisper in my ear. "Sorry, but Em's right, you _do_ smell like sex."

Sniffing my shirt, I gave her a wink.

_Eau de Isabella..._

_Edward Cullen; you, my friend, are the fucking man!_


	20. Chapter 20

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Twenty**

**_E_**

It's been almost two months since we'd been able to go to Forks for Sunday dinner. A couple of days after our trip to her parents' house, Iz called me at the hospital complaining that she was having cramps. Too scared for her to drive, I had Rose pick her up from the office and bring her to the hospital.

Talk about scared out of my fucking mind. That was the longest goddamn twenty minutes of my life. When they finally did pull up, I had just about paced a hole in the pavement. That day, I was happy to be a fucking doctor.

Once I had Iz situated in the wheelchair, I whisked her up to labor and delivery so Dr. Cheney could get a fetal heart monitor on her. As soon as my girls' heartbeats were echoing throughout the room, I released the breath I'd been holding since Iz's phone call.

After doing a 3D ultrasound, Dr. Cheney determined the girls were fine, growing a rapid pace, but fine nonetheless. Being a specialist, Angela then performed a transvaginal ultrasound and found that Iz's cervix had already begun to soften. Not fucking good, but common with multiples. Iz was taken off work and put on modified bed rest, which had its drawbacks.

One, as soon as they heard the news, both our mothers were at our front doors with over-sized suitcases. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been kicked out of my own bed, and forced to jack-off in the shower every morning. Iz was afraid that having sex would send her into pre-term labor, so she had put me and my lonely cock in timeout.

Two, my fucking home had turned into wedding and baby central. Iz was determined to get married before the babies were born, and Alice was hell-bent on making it happen. Despite the fact that Iz said the justice of the peace was fine for now, my sister would hear nothing of it. Alice was determined to plan us a wedding.

_Fuck, I couldn't wait until all this shit was over and it was just me and my girl again!_


	21. Chapter 21

**Honey, I'm Home**!

**Chapter Twenty-One**

**_B_**

"Whooo... whoooo..." I puffed out through the pain of yet another cramp in my abdomen. The girls were in rare form today. If this was any indication of how they would be when they came out, then Edward and I were in for one hell of a ride with these two.

Rubbing my very large belly, I sighed. Bed rest was no walk in the park; actually, it fucking sucked! Not only was I a prisoner in my own home, but on the days Esme and my mother _allowed_ Rose and Alice to visit, it felt like fucking solitary confinement.

One hounded me about wedding colors, fabrics, and wallpaper for the nursery, and the other got on my nerves about moving out of the condo and into her neighborhood. I bet you can guess which one was which. Between those two fruitcakes and these two hellions in my belly, I was definitely in need of a vacation. Oh, and did I mention that I hadn't had sex in over two months?

Over the last few weeks, I'd graduated from simple discomfort to having Braxton Hicks contractions. Of course, I didn't _know_ that at the time. But after having Rose and Alice rush me to the hospital a couple of nights ago, I found out the hard way.

_By hard way, I mean, I almost gave my poor fiancé fucking heart attack! _


	22. Chapter 22

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

**_B_**

Poor Edward was already on edge for having to leave me to work at night, and it didn't help that neither my sister, nor my crazy ass best friend, thought to call ahead and warn the poor guy. Edward almost shit himself when Alice burst through the emergency room doors yelling, "Somebody get me a wheelchair!"

Long story short, it was nothing but a false alarm and I've just been trying to ignore them ever since, especially since today was my wedding day.

"Get it together, Swan, soon-to-be Cullen," I scolded myself in the mirror. "Today is your wedding day and you will not let a little discomfort ruin it. You have a sexy man waiting for you at the end of the aisle who loves you and wants nothing more than to make you his wife." Straightening to my full height, I held my head high and took one last look in the mirror. "Now suck it up, girl, and get your ass out there and marry that fine specimen of a man." Clutching the bottom of my stomach, this was going to be easier said than done.

"Bells, are you okay in there?" Alice yelled from outside the door.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a sec." I said, sucking in a lungful of air and releasing it slowly. With my game face on, I turned around and open the door. "Well," I said, smoothing out the imaginary wrinkles in my dress, "how do I look?" My answer was a chorus of oohs and ahhs.

Instantly, Renee and Esme were at my sides. "You look beautiful, Sweetheart," Renee said, kissing me on the cheek.

"Stunning," Esme gushed, kissing my other cheek. "You're absolutely glowing, dear."

Yeah right, I wanted to say.

_Funny, I don't feel all glowy and shit. _


	23. Chapter 23

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

**_B_**

I was seven and a half months pregnant and as big as a house. My C-section was scheduled for two weeks from today, and I was determined to marry the love of my life _and_ enjoy my honeymoon before the twins got here.

Edward made sure to satisfy _all _my cravings, but he wouldn't let me give him a blow job in reciprocation, so I was determined to at least fuck my new husband once before the twins sent my pussy on a _very_ long hiatus.

Once all the traditional preliminaries were out of the way and my something old, blue, borrowed, and new were placed somewhere on my person, I waddled down the makeshift aisle in the ballroom of the Fairmont Hotel in search of my future husband.

As soon as I reached him, Edward had me in his arms and his lips were moving against mine. We'd never done traditional before, so, why the hell start now. "You've kept me waiting long enough, Ms. Swan," he breathed against my lips when we finally parted.

"Ditto, Cullen," I whispered, grinning like a lovesick puppy. Once again, we'd locked ourselves in our own personal little bubble.

"Err... umm..." Reverend Weber cleared his throat. "If you two are ready now, we can proceed." Blushing, I nodded my head minutely.

I only had eyes for my handsome groom, so it barely registered when Rev. Weber asked me if I was going to take Edward as my lawfully wedded husband. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out except a squeak.

Grabbing ahold of Edward's arm, I doubled over in pain. This was not a fucking false alarm! "Babe, what is it? Is everything okay?"

"No," I panted, turning a little green. "Edward, I think my water just broke!"

"Oh shit," Edward exclaimed. "Dad, help! We need to get her to the hospital!"


	24. Chapter 24

**Honey, I'm Home!**

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

**_B_**

Gathering my wits, I yelled, "No! No, no, no, no, nooooo…" That got their damn attention.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Edward asked, looking extremely panicked.

"I'm not going anywhere... Ahhh…" I panted, trying to breathe through the pain. "Holy shit that smarts!" Closing my eyes, I tried desperately to regain my composure.

"Iz," Edward pleaded. "We need to get you to the hospital, Love."

"No, Edward," I whined as big fat tears rained down my cheeks, "not until I marry you."

Scared shitless, Edward regarded Rev. Webber with pleading eyes. Quickly getting the hint, he asked, "Edward, do you take Isabella?"

"I do."

"And Isabella do you..."

"Yes, damn it yes, now get on with it," I growled through gritted teeth.

Grinning widely, Reverend Webber declared, "By the power vested in me by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Edward, you may now salute your bride."

The room erupted in hoots and hollers as Edward's lips moved sensually against mine. Leaning his forehead against mine, Edward gave me his famous panty-dropping smirk. "Now let's go have some babies, Mrs. Cullen."

"Mrs. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen... I like the sound of that." I grinned, until a strong contraction came and took my breath away. "Okay, Mr. Cullen," I panted breathlessly. "Let's go meet your daughters." That's the last thing I remember before being swept up in my husband's arms and whisked away to the hospital.


End file.
